Condolence money (pek kim or bai jin): how much to give at a wake in Singapore

At many wakes in Singapore, especially Chinese wakes, visitors give the family a small sum of money in an envelope. It is known as condolence money, and is often called pek kim in Hokkien or bai jin (白金) in Mandarin, both meaning “white gold”. It is a gesture of support that helps the family with the cost of the funeral.

If you have not given condolence money before, this guide explains the customs and what most people do.

How much to give

There is no fixed amount, and nobody expects you to give more than you can afford. What people give usually depends on how close they were to the person who died and to the family.

As a rough guide, many visitors in Singapore give somewhere between S$20 and S$100. Colleagues and acquaintances tend to give towards the lower end, close friends more, and close relatives often give more again. If you are attending with your partner or family, one envelope from all of you is fine.

If you are unsure, it is perfectly acceptable to ask a mutual friend or colleague what others are giving.

Why odd amounts

In Chinese custom, even numbers are associated with happy occasions such as weddings and birthdays, when gifts are often given in pairs. For a wake, many people give an odd amount instead, for example S$31, S$51 or S$101, by adding a single dollar to a round figure. This is a tradition rather than a rule, and families will not be offended by a round amount.

The envelope

Condolence money is given in a plain white envelope, never a red one, which is used for celebrations. White envelopes are sold at most stationery shops and often at the wake itself.

Write your name clearly on the envelope, or on the back of it, so the family knows who it is from. Families usually keep a record of who gave condolence money, so they can thank visitors and return the gesture in future.

How to give it

At most Chinese wakes there is a table near the entrance where visitors sign the guest book. A family member or helper sits there and receives the envelopes, and the amount is usually recorded in a book. You can hand your envelope to the person at the table when you sign in.

If there is no table, you can give it quietly to a family member. There is no need to say anything special; a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” is enough.

Some families now also accept transfers by PayNow, sometimes with a QR code at the table. Only use this if the family has offered it.

What you may receive in return

At many Chinese wakes, visitors are given a small token as they leave, often a red string and a sweet. The red string is a traditional sign of good luck to take away from the wake, and some people tie it somewhere or discard it on the way home. You don’t need to do anything with it if you would rather not.

Customs in other communities

• Malay and Muslim families: visitors may give money to the family as a contribution, and some communities collect donations towards funeral costs. Practices vary, so follow what others around you are doing.
• Hindu families: giving money in an envelope is also common in some families. Again, follow the lead of the family or other visitors.
• Christian and Catholic families: some families ask for donations to a church or charity “in lieu of flowers”. This is usually mentioned in the obituary notice.

If you can’t attend the wake, you can still send a message or flowers, and a short condolence message is always appreciated.

For families receiving condolence money

Condolence money is usually counted and recorded by a trusted family member during the wake. Many families use it towards the funeral costs, which can help considerably. If you are arranging a funeral, our guide to funeral costs explains typical package prices, and you can find a funeral director near you.